- Create a safe space to talk - mutual purpose, mutual respect. It isn't about "mine is better than yours". Both of the solutions are good, and there is a difference in one aspect of the solution
- Actively listen - Listen to understand, not to reply. Be curious about their viewpoint. Ask open ended questions. Paraphrase what they have said
- "Yes, and..."
- Separate impact from intent -
- What did the other person say/do?
- What is the impact on me?
- What assumptions have I made?
- Contribution, not assigning blame